I haven’t been able to write the past few days. And I’ll explain why.
Although I had an amazing day with my daughter and her father, Valentines day was very somber and tragic. In Florida, a 19 year old coward walked into his old high school with an AR-15, pulled the fire alarm to draw people into the halls, and open fired killing 17 people. 14 of these people were students. The other 3 were teachers and staff.
Im not blaming the gun. I’m not blaming the mental illness. I’m not blaming God. I’m not blaming Trump. I’m not Blaming anyone or anything.
BUT!! Students that knew him claimed that they weren’t surprised it was him! There were SO many signs! So many pointers. If someone just paid attention, these 17 families would have been celebrating a holiday of love with love. Not Grief.
My biggest fear now, is to put my child in school. I know most parents usually have that fear at this point in life. I admit, I dont want my baby in school. I’m not ready because I want her to be my baby forever but that’s how every parent is. I wish that was my ONLY fear of her going to school.
Im so afraid that someone will come to her school and bomb it, or shoot it up, and my baby will either be traumatized for the rest of her life, or dead.
Story time: When I was in 4th grade, we had just come in from lunch recess and began settling down when the lights went out. Then the principal Mr. Tompkins came on the loud speaker to announce that’d we had been put on lock down until further notice. At first we thought it was a drill, so we got into lockdown position under the desks. We were laughing and calm but that changed when we saw 2 police officers pass the window and check the door. Our teacher called the office to find out if it was a drill but sadly it wasnt.
There was a man on campus with a gun. His daughter was a student there. Our teacher informed us that it was not a drill and to remain VERY silent and very still.
The gunman walked right passed our classroom windows.
I remember a kid hiding behind a word chart (a blue curtain thing with slots for cards). And he literally cried for his mommy.
Granted we were in 4th grade. 8 or 9 years old. Not to mention crying for your mommy in this situation at any age is appropriate.
I am 25.
That happened 15+ years ago.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I can play that memory like a scene in my head.
So hard to forget.
Then my second close encounter was my sophomore year. I dont even remember how it happened. I just remember the school went on lock down and students were talking about a text going around about a list of people someone was planning to shoot. They called each individual student on the list to the office and escorted them by police officer. I was never called in. I guess I’m glad I stayed to myself.
I heard that they found the kid, 3 classrooms down. He did have a gun. Just a regular hand gun. I cant remember what kind. A couple of lists of people from other schools as well. They say that he had it planned out for the next day, which was friday. He had everything in a bag under his bed at home.
If it wasnt for the one concerned student who got the text, who knows what would have happened. That student went to the principal and showed them. She saved so many lives.
I am not afraid to take my daughter to school because I’m afraid of her growing up, I’m afraid of her not getting the chance to grow up. I’m afraid my “Good luck” and “see ya later kiss” will be my last.
I shouldn’t have to be afraid of losing my daughter while shes trying to get an education.
Something needs to be done.